Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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