No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
