I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize