I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
