all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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