My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
