I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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