I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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