Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
