Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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