she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
