so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
