He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
