My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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