They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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