Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
