READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
