Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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