I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
