I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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