dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
