he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
