you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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