and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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