Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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