She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
