Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
