if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
