She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
