dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
