i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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