I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
