I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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