I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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