Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
