at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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