She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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