all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
