Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize