you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
