i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
