Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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