you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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