what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
