You smell like a Billy Joel song
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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