what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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