Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
