Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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