I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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