Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
