There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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