this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize