I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
