words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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