I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
