I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
