I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
