I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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