Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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