she told me i tasted like america
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize