dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
