Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
