Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
