i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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