i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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