Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
being pregnant is like rehab
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
